Pastor Martin Article - Swearing

What's Wrong With Swearing?

Swearing Imposes a Personal Penalty:

-It gives a bad impression.
-It makes you unpleasant to be with.
-It endangers your relationships
-It's a tool for whiners and complainers
-It reduces respect people have for you
-It shows you don't have control
-It's a sign of a bad attitude
-It discloses a lack of character
-It's immature
-It reflects ignorance
-It sets a bad example

Swearing is Bad for Society:

-It contributes to the decline of civility
-It represents the dumbing down of America
-It offends more people than you think
-It makes others uncomfortable
-It is disrespectful of others
-It turns discussions into arguments
-It can be a sign of hostility
-It can lead to violence

Swearing corrupts the English language:

-It's abrasive, lazy language
-It doesn't communicate clearly
-It neglects more meaningful words
-It lacks imagination
-It has lost its effectiveness

Your language might offend some people, but the tone and attitude behind your words do far greater damage to all of your relationships.

Even if your friends and associates commonly use cuss words, you will be perceived as more mature, intelligent, articulate, polite, considerate and pleasant if you control your language and the emotions that typically prompt expletives. You can choose to have character and class, or be considered rude, crude and crass.

Cursing is sometimes humorous, but sometimes abusive. It can help vent anger, or provoke it. It can relieve stress, or cause it. It can be clever and flirtatious, or sexist and intimidating. Consequently, be aware of when and where you swear. Control it, tame it, time it. Or, to be on the safe side, stop using it altogether.

1. Recognize that swearing does damage.
You probably swear because it is easy, fun, candid, emphatic, expressive, breaks rules, and somehow partially reduces anger and pain. But the negatives outweigh the positives. You really don't win an argument by swearing. You don't prove that you are smart or articulate. You don't earn respect or admiration. You don't motivate, you intimidate. Swearing doesn't get you hired, promoted, or romantically connected.

2. Start by eliminating casual swearing.
Pretend that your sweet little grandmother or your young daughter is always next to you. Use inflections for emphasis instead of offensive adjectives. Be more descriptive instead of using the "s" word to describe everything from objects, work and the weather to the way you feel, the way someone looks, and the way something smells.

3. Think positively.Look to the bright side.
Develop a "can do" attitude. Worry only to the point that motivates you to prepare for the problem, then hope for the best. A positive mental attitude not only eliminates lots of swearing, it brings you contentment and brightens your personality.

4. Practice being patient.
When you are stuck in line or in traffic, ask yourself if a few more minutes matters. Be honest -- does it really matter? If so, and you have no control of the situation, plan the rest of your day or do the thinking that you say you never have time to do. Talk to someone, even a stranger in line with you.

5. Cope, don't cuss.
We live in an imperfect world, yet our expectations continually increase. Each day can be filled with aggravations, delays, disappointments and frustrations. The fact is, we have to deal with them anyway. So stop cussing and learn to cope. Consider even the smallest annoyance a challenge, and feel proud of yourself for taking care of it cheerfully and efficiently.

6. Stop complaining.
Before you start griping or whining about something, remind yourself of a very important reality: no one wants to hear it! Why would they? Avoid complaining about matters that you and the people with you have no control over. For all other complaints, try to offer a rational solution. Others will admire your common sense, wisdom and calm approach to the problem.

7. Use alternative words.
English is a colorful language, but chronic cursers repeatedly use the same, unimaginative words that have been around for centuries. Take the time to develop your own list of alternatives to the nasty words you now use, relying on your own intelligence, a thesaurus, good books, and even some of the more clever TV shows. Select a few powerful or even funny words, and get in the habit of substituting them for swear words. For example, instead of B.S., choices range from lie, fabrication, nonsense and exaggeration to bunk, baloney, drivel, malarkey, hokum, hogwash and balderdash. They might not give you satisfaction at first, but they will eventually.

8. Make your point politely.
Some substitute words can be just as offensive if your tone is abrasive or you insult someone. Think of the response to what you are about to say, and decide if you need to reword your statement to be more effective. For example, if someone suggests that you are doing something incorrectly, your response can range from "Who gives a flying f___?" to "I don't care," to "It really doesn't matter," or "I think my way is faster." The first reply is defensive, defiant, belligerent, and reflects a terrible attitude. The last reply is a justification that the other person might appreciate. Take the time to make your point in a mature and convincing manner.

9. Think of what you should have said.
It is easy to blurt out a swear word at an inappropriate time, or to bark out a tactless or tasteless remark before you have a chance to consider the impact. Think of what you could have said. After you shout an expletive, simply say the tamer word you wished you had said. If you make a statement that you later realize was negative, confrontational or rude, think of how you could have phrased the statement. Over time, these exercises will train you to think and act differently.

10. Work at it.
Breaking the swearing habit might prove to be no easier that losing weight, giving up cigarettes, or correcting any other habit. It takes practice, support from others, and a true desire to be a better person -- not only by controlling your language, but the emotions that prompt you to swear.

Here are a few exercises to condition yourself:

• Think in clean language, and switch negative thoughts into positive solutions.
• When you are on your way to a situation you know will test your temper and your tongue, plan ahead what you will say and how you will say it.
• Tell your family or friends what you are doing, and you will be more cautious around them.
• Determine when and why you swear the most, and develop your own tricks for changing your behavior.

Me and uncle Jeff on his birthday. I love my uncle Jeffy!! 

Small Group

Dear Twenty-Something's, August 21, 2005


After typing my last letter on relationships I felt the Lord calling me to send a separate letter to all the Sunday night group members. I hope you enjoy the letter on relationships. I enjoyed writing it and sharing some of the things that I have been learning with my family and friends. I currently have about 30 on the mailing list, if you would like to get your letters by mail, you can email me your address and I can mail your letters personally. Sometimes getting it in the mail seems more personable.

I am currently trying to get a small group going again to have fellowship, prayer, worship, study, and maybe even some accountability. I love to cook and open my home in the name of the Lord. My schedule has chosen Saturday nights 6-6:30 in the evenings for dinner and study for around two to two and half hours. I would love to have someone play any type of musical instrument for worship like we do at the church on Sunday nights. Both Flex and Dan have come over in the past and played the guitar. I love to worship the Lord through music. So, if any of you have musical talent, I would love to have you over for worship. Come over and have dinner on me and some awesome fellowship with your brothers and sisters in Christ. I am looking to start in the next couple of weeks, so let me know if you are interested.

"Since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others."

Romans 12:5

If you have any questions or comments about the letter, you can email me or call me. This web site is here so we can all post responses to discussion, post questions or concerns as Christians, and share what we are learning by having fellowship and study of the word together. I challenge you to read the entire Romans chapter 12 about "Life in God's Service." As I shared in the letter, it is one of my most favorite chapters in the bible. You can also learn more about God's love by reading 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

Lastly, please let me know if there is anything going on in your life that I can pray about. Intercession is one of the many spiritual gifts our heavenly father has bestowed upon me so please tell me about needed prayer in your life. I am so thankful for this group and these relationships that are building for life. I thank the Lord for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank the Lord for his grace and mercy. I pray that each and everyone in the group have a wonderful and fruitful week and we all continue to pursue the Lord in a love affair that never ends. Amen

God Bless and Fly with Christ,

Tonya
tarmenakis@hotmail.com

Relationships

Dear Family and Friends, August 15, 2005

The Lord has called me to write another letter to share some of what I have been learning about relationships. I have been attending a small group at church that studied and talked about dating, dating as a Christian, and the boundaries in dating. After my divorce, I did some dating, but I have never been satisfied with any of my male relationships. They had always ended in hurt, a dependence on that person, or worse, a loss of a good friend. Let's face it, when you cross the line physically and get involved with the opposite sex on a physical level, things change with the relationship.

As a Christian, I have discovered the importance of starting a love affair with Christ first before dating. This is easier said then done, as most of us, including myself don't really seek the Lord and start our love affairs for the Lord until things go wrong in our relationships. How do we have a love affair with the Lord? Here are some starters that can help:

· Love him with all your heart, soul, and mind.
· Talk to him regularly through prayer.
· Worship him alone and with other believers.
· Seek his guidance through prayer.
· Recognize his work through you and other believers.
· Share his mercy and grace to all others.
· Be humble and repent of your sin.
· Study his word, the Bible.
· Model your life after his son Jesus Christ.

A love affair with the Lord will make all of your relationships stronger, longer lasting, and not ever dependent. We still will have struggles in relationships, sometimes we even need to set some boundaries for them. We must realize that hormones bring many feelings such as jealousy, fear, anger, resentment, shame, guilt, envy, and even hate. I personally don't like to feel any of these emotions, but I am human, and realize these emotions can arise normally in all relationships. I am in constant prayer with our heavenly father who teaches me and shows me how to deal with these emotions. Satan can also twist, manipulate, and turn these emotions against you, where you slowly begin to want to destroy yourself. If you are a person who has struggled with any of these emotions, it probably began to affect your relationships, not with just the opposite sex but all relationships. I like the way Pastor Rick Warren put it:

"This life is a practice for an eternity of love. It's like spring training in the game of baseball: we're practicing our love for one another NOW, strengthening our skills, preparing for the World Series of Love in heaven."

Rick Warren, "Better Together: What on earth are we here for?"

"Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

John 13:35

This life is about learning to love. And this is not an easy task, it will take lots of time, effort, honesty, some vulnerability, and most important, the ability to forgive to make any relationship work. God so loved us that he gave his only son, who died for our sins. He showed us how to forgive; therefore there should be no problem for us to be able to forgive in our own relationships.

"Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins."

Ephesians 5:2

As we look at all our relationships, let us look at our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As Christians, we need to put the Lord first above all relationships and allow that experience and that bond to glow through us into all our relationships. Loving the Lord can be giving up your preferences, your goals, your comfort, your security, your money, your energy, and your time, but the reward of being able to love for eternity is worth the sacrifice.

Having any problems in any of your relationships? How is your love affair with the Lord? He can help you in any of those problems. Recognize that God cherishes his relationships with his children and loves the human relationships that we build. Satan will use every weapon of wickedness necessary to break them up. When we try to meet our own needs in relationships we use what Apostle Paul called the "weapons of the flesh", these include manipulation, gossip, slander, ridicule, threats, blame, nagging, deception, and silence. All of these "weapons of the flesh" is only using the evil for evil principle where no one wins and relationships are severed.

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him a drink, for by doing this you will make him burn with shame. Do not let evil defeat you: instead, conquer evil with good."

Romans 12:20-21

This whole chapter of Romans is one of my most favorites in the Bible, and the last two lines show us the importance of killing them with kindness. Thank you for reading the entire letter, for those that read this far and are not yet asleep. I want to thank the Lord for this opportunity to write to my family and friends and for the knowledge given to me through the Bible, Rick Warren, and my small groups. Thank -you Lord for the truth that saves us all. May we all pursue you in a love affair that will make all of our other relationships prosper, allow us to grow spiritually, and be able to love for eternity. Amen

I love you all, and God bless


Tonya

Welcome

Hello All,

Welcome to the Blog Site. We created this site to have a place to post your thoughts, feelings, concerns, or any questions you might have. Please let me know if you have any suggestions to improve the site and I hope to be hearing from you. May we use this site to grow in our relationships with the Lord Jesus Christ and all that we post glorify God.

God Bless and Fly with Christ

Tonya Armenakis